lilit

you are not our kind of person
you have wild hair
you don’t shave
you smell
you are too short, too fat, you don’t wear a bra
you wear t-shirts with things on them i don’t understand
you sit with your feet up in meetings
you talk loud
you argue
you shake your fingers in the air and it makes me afraid

you are not our kind
my children will be frightened
their father was like that
i don’t want you to be around us

you are not our kind
you are not our
kind
we bar the door against you
chutz lilit

i nod my head, understand
this has happened before

people don’t want their illogic exposed
their little penis
their little ego
their little world that
is guarded against breaking

they don’t want to know what broken looks like and surviving without denial
without comfort or affirmation
breaking through the water unexpected and triumphant and scaring the bejeezus out of everybody

they want perfection or obedience, especially in a woman
even women want this

i have been the chutz lilt also maybe, i can’t remember
we aren’t separate

your world might scare me

***

female
menstrual
ass trailing reluctant acknowledgement of rejection
female
ass
turning out of a room
leaving where she’s not wanted

***
waking up
again
again
echoes of my own snares

when is desire fertile
when is it cold blooded eggs seeping from a crevice
making lizards
or pearls
of dew and spiders

when does it make dragons

***
when is a woman not a woman
when she is not a man

***
do you find something here?
looking under the pillow
envelope
of
what never was

***
adam v/chava chutz lilit chutz lilit adam always the power behind the throne
even if a woman makes the incantation

***
is there no place
for fertile dragon eggs

no place for eyes
that swim up from the bottom

wanting as much as you do
the warmth of fire
making the fire with my own sticks
my own dry skin

on the dry skin of others like me
tinder and flesh
setting the leaves to flame

(c) Tina Minkowitz 2017

(lilit/lilith is part of jewish mythology and ancient sumerian mythology, a demonized goddess. ‘adam v/chava, chutz lilt’ = adam and eve, out lilith. not even going to try and explain that, lot of material out there. in my world lilith is a lesbian and this poem ends her up there, female connection and female autonomy.)